Where am I?
Having a family, friends, love, and a decent job. But still, I feel lost! Reason? I'll let you know once I figure it out.
It's tough to know what's wrong when you have everything sober going on in your life.
In the beginning when I used to get sad over something I always had an excuse build up in my head before, just like you all. Where we know we lack the motivation but since we can't get it from anywhere, we start blaming it on 'excuse'. Right? I know I am, because I got to experience.
Ever wonder why we all feel happily sad? And sometimes it happens that you have like thousands of reasons to worry about but still you feel light-hearted? All these messy dilemmas are curses and cures at the same time with the condition of knowing how to shape it!
It feels quite very confusing while you read, isn't it? It's okay. To make it a little comforting for you, at least it's not as much confusing as life. You smiled or some may have laughed, right?
These compilations that we have inside even our life, look sorted. There comes chaos in mind. You want to be more productive but you end up thinking do my productivity count? And there and then, it hits harder.
I used to have an excuse that I don't have love in my life and I had been cheated for a long time. But when I again found my love interest it felt very delight. Making moments and cuddling and smiling felt so precious, but then I started feeling the same thing, happily sad-sadly happy! There, I added another excuse to my failure, I shared the story of my broken family. I shared how I wanted my family to stick around but it never happened! I shared how desperately I wanted them with me but wasn't happening. With him standing by my side, I did it! Finally, my family glued. I was happy, praising every vibe for such a day but by the time its happiness started fading out just like the end of any film, it comes to a black screen! Now, I had love and family in my life but still, the question comes to my mind, where am I? Am I leading my life to the right path? Am I doing this all right? Is this what I really wanted?
These questions can't be answered even in the moments of life. But that is the ugly beauty of our minds. We keep pushing ourselves for the best which we aren't even sure if it stays best!! Dilemmas, illusions, and confusion make our life adventurous. When I again started feeling lost I blamed my job! So, I shifted, I quit my last job and hunted for a new one for a good amount of time. The very tough and rough time it was. It feels all happy and quirky being in love but being jobless and in love create doubts. Happened to me, I started feeling awkward meeting our friends, I hated the time when I had to spend all alone and unwillingly thinking about the bad stuff. 'Coping' sounds good, soothing, and relaxing to our ears but at the same moment, it feels impossible when you know the word but can't fit yourself into its meaning. Sounds tragic? Well, it is! Give it a thought once you are done reading my thoughts...
After months, finally, I got a job. 'Perfect' job which everyone wants in life. I am still liking it, a lot. But whenever I sit alone I think, rethink, triple think and after overthinking, I get upset, confused, messy, and very clingy. With everything going so right, why can't I give time? They say give time some time and it will bring your time! My question is how can I give the time when I am dependent on time even after being so independent! How come I will ever fit time into my fist which specifically calculates the size of my heart...
So much of the adrenaline rush ultimately leads to anxiety which again makes me stand at the same spot, 'Where Am I'?
We all have our excuses with their pros and cons which we predict, but what's more beautiful is when life turns the sand-clock upside down. Mixed up? Can you calculate your stuff now?
Here I will be leaving you with the same questions and confusions as mine. I am still figuring it out, tell me about you.
👍👍👍
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