NOTE: Dear Raghav, You fit in every definition of love in my dictionary(you know, we know, what we know!).
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@TGI |
Everyone believes in a love story but no one lives in a love story. That’s what is the essence of love. You just believe in what you feel, what you carry deep inside you for someone you love. The heart knows everything but still, it keeps us going to find every bit of love our soul craves for.
People surrounding me think I don’t believe in the whole theory of love or romance. But! For me, love has been the purest mixture of care, freedom, possessiveness, and intimacy. That’s what I had been looking for my whole life(of course till now).
Someone being restricting, demanding, or obsessive but understanding, calm, and smiles whenever looks up for me.
Hi. I am Kavya Mathur and here I am, writing about love that I personally felt in my life so far. Yes! So far, because I don’t believe in decorating the future while trying to make myself unnecessarily perfect for my partner. It’s not like I don’t want to be perfect on my scale terms but I also want him to find comfort in my imperfections. I look forward to changing us together, with each other but for ourselves. In my dictionary of romance, there is no such word as ‘I expect’. I believe in changes and so I love to be a part of his every peak and crust of life. Cuddling could be this pleasure and soothing that I will become a cheesy chic who uses baby for her partner which is the most hilarious and unbelievable factor for myself only. But then, being in love makes you a wholly different yet the same person.
I have my own rules when it comes to love or committing to someone. They say one should be loved passionately on the bed to make a healthy relationship but I have three bases when it comes to my love book.
Attachment is the only key to accepting and admiring your love, so I think we need to be attached to the person mentally, emotionally, and physically. I used to stay on hookups because I never felt connected to anyone before him. That guy changed me in the way that I always wanted to be.
His name is Raghav, elder than me and of course much mature than me as well. With him as well, it started with a hookup but there was still something very different when I hugged him for the first time. It was not the same feeling with others, but I felt the happy comfort warmth, I could smell his body essence and couldn’t resist but hugged him a little longer. For the first time, I wanted to act like a child around someone. I wanted to laugh with no manners around someone. I wanted to play childhood games with him. But I wasn’t sure if it all was really a feeling or just an infatuation since I have been looking for this for a very long time. I started testing myself. I knew myself and I was very nervous about this whole new thing in my life because me crushing over someone was something hard to believe. Within days of hooking up with him, I stopped seeing others, and then I stopped flirting with others. Hard to believe but true like the morning sunrises. In weeks, I started smiling whenever I see him and whenever his thoughts crossed my mind. That was something very stupid but what else to say(I still smile tho).
And after many days of hookups where we started talking for hours on call and still hung up calls saying, ‘Thoda Kal ke liye chod dete hai. Walking on roads while holding hands that he initiated melted my heart even faster than a burning caramel. Looking at him seeing me started giving me butterflies in my stomach. I started looking around for him and thought of bumping into him accidentally. I had no idea if I will ever admire someone in my life this much but like it is written, ‘the most beautiful thing happens at your worst’ and so it did. I finally accepted that I love being with someone and I love him caring for me.
Meanwhile, one thing stressed me a lot, what if this story was also going to be written only on one side of the heart? What if all this image was just an illusion to me where I was going to be trapped again? What if I was again to love someone who is never going to reciprocate the way my past did? I fear getting another heartbreak so before my heart starts loving him like crazy I decided to confess where I wanted nothing in return even if was a Yes. I just wanted to speak my heart out. And there in that moment, my life took 180 degrees of turn!
The moment I let everything out of my heart, Raghav did nothing much but kiss me all over my face. He hugged me so tight into his arms that I could easily listen to his beating heart. That very moment was damn hell precious to me..
He looked into my eyes and said, ‘I was afraid to tell you first coz I didn’t want to lose you’. Those words of his were a dream come true, I never knew that my absence could ever affect someone. The way his eyes look for me, the way he calls my name, the way he looks into my medicine box(wired no! I know), the way he opens a little window in sleep after turning off the AC. The way he started accepting in the crowd, ‘she is my girlfriend’, damn! Every time I get goosebumps.
Raghav is not someone who will push you into his definition of perfection but will praise the scattered you. He knows how to love someone who is a mess of her own thoughts, he knows how to deal with your demon along with you. He knows how to love a soul.
There were times when I thought of stepping back but then my heart spoke to me, ‘you need to give me a chance to believe in love that you always dreamed of, I don’t want to leave coz the calmness he gives me is the thing I have been looking for since a long time.’ I listened to my heart and held his hand in order to see every wave of our life together till we can…
PS: Stay with this mess forever(even if this forever is in this moment…. )
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| @favim.com |
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