It's been a long time since my heart felt this way, like a long time where I loved my loneliness more even among my own people.
I know it was quite too long time to be within self and quite too short to accept the new way of life. Ever since you left it was all faded like a grey. This very time I was feeling shamed to hold on to the person who made me feel like nothing, the person whom I thought to be my everything ended my chapter into his life just like the word nothing. It's been like years and I waited for you for so long, I had been there for you,with you not in the hope of ending up together someday but in the hope that our journey still had a long way to go together. Every emotion was a statue of lie and every closeness was a fake ful of smile. How long were you going to pretend it this way like everything was fine? How long were you thinking to have a person as an option into your life? How difficult it was for you to let me go or how easy it was to let me burn with those old scars of yours?
Well, it all was the old days we lived together, one with all the truthfull heart and one with the sac of lies getting fat everyday. There was nothing wrong with you or us, it was me who thought to be within someone's square who never had any dimensions. It was not easy for me and is still not but the difference came here, every differences between us was making us falling apart. So don't blame yourself or me as well for anything that happened. It was all the best things that I will always carry with me.
One day after the time of you left I met him, stranger he was but felt more like someone who knows me inside out. He was bold, he was brave, he was sweet. It was difficult to know what I was feeling that time. But the meetings of us was a schedule of our timetable not because we wanted but because I was under his guidance for my studies. He was not like you even a bit and that was something I really missed but my heart was happy somewhere deep inside. All I was screaming from inside, "you can't love the same person again with a different face" , and so I didn't resist myself. I let it flow the way it wanted, the way it was written, the way it was supposed to be. By the time I found the person that was dead inside me started to be alive again, the person whom I killed to be with you. He is totally different. I didn't fall in love just like, "oh! So cute". I chose him as he passed every hurdle I made between us. I tried all my hard to make him hate me and all I get was the love and care with the limitless end. I was afraid to be with someone again as the broken me was still there in the corner saying, "what if this is going to be that same again?" I trusted someone who never gave me what I deserved so how can I trust someone whom I even don't know by heart. Slowly but fast he gave me the answers that I was holding into my breath. Every piece of him was there into my front and it was making my heart screaming aloud that why I am not holding the one who has every reason to leave but still is holding me even more tightly than the day before.
Life was giving another chance to live it all again, to feel what it feels like when you are loved by the right person in the write way. He was just a basket full of happiness and calm that came into my life and gave the directional flow to the river I was rowing into.
I miss you and I always will because you were the definition of love to me but he made me understand to read into the lines. I stayed in the hope of being touched by you someday but day by day it all died with the say, "whatever goes with the time never comes back".
I am happy with the new start. I am happy with the twinkle little stars. I am happy with this heartful 2nd chance.
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