Yes! I will miss you.

           Yes! I will miss you.

Yes! I will miss you.

Teenage, the best chapter of our lives! Why so? Because we met some people who still survive in our heart. My teenage was like a diamond to my life, I found my gem for lifetime, my best boy-friend (the gap says the whole).  How beautifully messed up it was, the time we met. We first started bullying each other, laughing at each other and ignoring each other. When we became important to each other we ourselves were unaware. Spending time together, studying together, sharing the lunch boxes and protecting each other. How comfortable it was to share secret crushes and laughing at the choices and teasing for the liking. I don’t know when and how I started liking you but yes telling you was my biggest mistake because that ruined us totally. Well moving on by leaving the past is the best cure to any wound so starting a fresh was not that bad thought either. But why did we start again? What exactly we wanted? Why we chose to stay again? We met again and this time we made the bond different neither friend nor couple somewhere hanging in between. So it is time to end up again and this time with the perfect full stop that totally ends the story. I was being tired treated like an option and you being tired of this confusion. We needed to start fresh without each other and so I took the step. It was not easy for me but staying was stopping each other to get another chance to live again. Time is not going to stop and so we need to grow.  We walked together from the teenage till now the age of adulthood and every step with you will walk with me till my last breathe.

It’s time to leave now, from here I am setting you free to let you fly and to know what we were, to let you define us, to let you know what we had. You are the best thing in my life and I love you. You will always be the first person I will wish good morning and the last to wish good night. My every success will be in your basket of happiness and pride and my failure will be shared with you standing by my side, not physically but yes mentally and emotionally. My every first and last is going to be you always so what I am leaving behind is myself just to be a new me that have nothing belonging to you. I will miss the laugh we shared while hitting each other, I will miss those fights we always had just for no reason, I will miss your smile after doing something wrong , I will miss holding the hands while crossing the roads together. What I will miss the most is your ‘leave me alone’ and then coming back by saying, ‘hell yes, I am stupid.’ I will miss you under the sky every night and screaming loudly near to the sea shore will be my everyday job with no salary. I may have said this thing like million times that I am a lover of your smile but repeating it makes me fell so so  good that  I have written this for 100 time on another letter inside the letter you are reading. I am sorry that I am leaving you without letting you know but we both are totally aware that we can’t go on this way till eternity. Well I know I am dominating sometimes but you are totally deserving sometimes too and I know I irritated you and disturbed you always because I was always a attention seeker in your life  and when you didn’t give that therefore I always chose this way, so finally you got the reason of  me behaving that way today. I am keeping that pen and that paper of yours and the shirt of your that you left at my home, I love wearing that shirt because it makes me feel like you are always around and that makes me feel even more strong when I feel shattered. I am leaving my diary that is inked with the name of you honey, I know you are looking for the diary now but first read the whole letter because before that you won’t be able to find it, I have placed it somewhere in some corner that belonged to me and yeah you don’t know that place as I have never told you. You always wanted to read that diary so now you can and make sure to destroy it after you finish reading because that is the only thing I am leaving with you and I don’t want you to carry that burden with you forever. Leaving that piece of me with you was never my intention but you always asked to read and I have always stopped you  and even knowing that where I keep it you never broke the rule of our friendship. You are such an amazing and beautiful part of me that I will always keep it in me alive. Don’t you dare stop reading because I know you hate reading and I know you must be totally in tears but love, you know that this was going to happen someday and that day has finally arrived. I wish I could have a name in your life, a defined person in your life but it is fine you have that long time now but hope not me to be there waiting for you because I have that whole piece of sky that belongs to me and I have to  make it mine forever. You must be thinking that how I used this ‘forever’ as I don’t believe in it but yes I always believed in forever, the forever that includes only my dreams that will hold me till my last breathe and after my death too. I always desired to be a string woman and today I am strong enough to leave you and I know you already have forgotten me because  when confusion leaves life finds no reason to solve it and I have left forever. Your confusion has stopped breathing finally. And now coming out from our friendship zone and enter into the zone that has no name from here I am telling you every small reason to leave as friendship was not the reason to break this beautiful feeling born between  us. Why I was always your option? Why it always happened that your ex- girlfriends came back I was being ignored? Why I always got that tag of being ‘she is cute and mine but I will set her somewhere’?  Why you always chose other girls over me and when I did the same I became a cheater? Why I was always a special person but not the one with whom you could share yourself? Why you have always been activated on social sites and never texted me but the delay from my side always made you angry? Why I was never supposed to leave you but you were always free to live again with your old girlfriends? Why you always shouted on me whenever I said, ‘you are just using me for your comfort’? Have you thought how I felt whenever all this happened? I always made myself by saying, ‘it is just fine we know we are together’. You know why I always said this to me because these were your words and I believed them. I want to tell you something that will help you in your life that whatever you say make sure you react that way too. I know it’s something most difficult task for you but no one is going to be me because no one is going to love this way, this crazy way and we both know this. I have left everything there. You will find all of them there right on the table that belonged to me at your home. I wanted to start a fresh where I will not have even a bit of piece of you that will make me feel like coming back to you just those three things because they are my reason me being strong and a fresh start needed me to be strong. I  know you must be sitting on that near to the window chair and surly looking at the frame of us the ‘us’ that we always wanted to breath. I am sorry for everything one more time but this is it what so ever it is nothing can make us better ever again . I want to forget you and that is totally impossible because you rule my heart, my mind, my soul and whole of me. How will I forget this stupid creature of my life who have made me smile while crying and made me stand whenever I died? I will always need you but I don’t want you and I hope you will understand the entire thing that am going through although you won’t but try to understand. Don’t hate me for this ever because I can’t live without this hatred from you and may be that day I will count as my last day. I may breathe or survive but I won’t be living anymore. Trust me you are a sweetheart and you will find someone beautifully made person who will make you fall in love or I can say who will tell you what is love, how it is different and what is that ‘love is different’ of you will be defined one day. Now I guess it’s time take a leave,  I am going forever and I won’t turn back again that too to start from this same ‘I don’t know’ thing ever.   Don’t worry I am not leaving you without telling where is the diary that you are totally mad about by this time. Just after reading this go to my home and ask my mother that where I have cried a lot, well she definitely does not have any idea so ask her where I spend most of the time being home. She will tell you a place, diary is not there its near to the corner of that place that have a sigh of our initials. You will find my diary and the pen that I took from you and that pen is special because every ink on that diary is scribbled with that pen of yours and I took that pen from you because you lost mine. So as I said before, after reading destroy it if you have never loved me or if you will ever realize then that same diary and pen has the route to reach me, try it the day you will love me and if you will not ever then you know what to do. Happy journey ahead and move on. I am ending this up not because my feelings are dead now but because I want to be defined now, want to be someone whom you could say mine publicly and not stand mum thinking who I am for you. You somewhere in your heart have the answers to all the questions but you don’t want to answer, so it’s fine if I leave leaving nothing behind for you except the letter saying, ‘yes, I will miss you.’  I know you will miss me more than I do but as it says, every journey has a destination so here is ours, getting apart for another time and still not getting apart with a soulful peace. Here comes the end of the letter saying goodbye to you in the hope that one day you will find the answers and I will be defined into your life and that day I will get to know because of our connected heart. You deserve a life that have nothing left to get confused anymore so just let me go and keep me alive in your heart.  My only wish is to see you smiling and rising like a star so I can see you every night sharing my stories with you.

PS:-   I won’t fade my smile and happiness..I love you…….