THE UNKNOWN RELATION
2. The
confession text
It was 5 in the morning and my phone beeped, I woke up
because of the phone vibration and I looked at the screen with my sleepy
eyes. The moment I saw the text I was in
a bit of shock and woke up with a hopeless jerk.I unlocked my phone. It was
the text from that same undialed number. It was you after that long period of
time, it was again the morning text that
I received from you. Do you remember what that text was?
The very first line of the text started with the word love
and ended with a question mark. “ Love? Do you love me? Do you really feel that for me?” I read the text and I was in an alone silent situation. With no wait of time my hands went on to type, “ What
the hell are you asking me?” That very
moment I got the goosebumps again by the
same person. This time it was not the moment I loved but the moment I
actually wanted to skip with a single blink of my eyes. I was hating that situation, I was hating
that question even more. After a month you contacted me.I was
loving that moment and at the same time I was
hating that situation too. For a while I
was not able to think either. Our fight went on till a month with that so so
long texts with many questions, blames and happy moments too.
It came the month of March and the boards were going on.
Remember, when we entered the school and our teacher saw us together though we
didn’t walk in together but she noticed us as together. She called us and
wished us luck. We talked to her, we smiled, we thanked her but we didn’t even
look at each other. You know she was quite surprised that ‘WE’ didn’t see each other, the two who never left the
hands even when they had a reason. The exam was over and I reached home, my
phone beeped again.
The text from you. “I
heard you are not well and you are taking medicines.” That time I just had one
thing in my mind, “so what? That is none of your business anymore as per your last text.” You went on to say that it would be better to
talk nicely now. I was like what you want from me? The beginning of conversation was full of arguments again but at last we had a good going conversation
that day and then we again decided to be all strangers. You ended the
conversation with the same question that do I have feelings for you? I was
having just a simple answer that I don’t know. I love to spend time with you, I
feel good when you are around even if we don’t talk. I feel blessed whenever
you scold me like my father if I do something wrong but I was having no answer
to your question. I just knew that you are mandatory for me, the best person I
never wanted to loose in my life even because of these silly feelings. I always
wanted to be in your contact but you always asked me to answer that question.
One fine day you decided to confront again and that too on
the text itself. I texted you that can’t we get normal again
because the question you are asking I can’t answer that. I was even not able to
answer myself. In the whole conversation I accepted that I liked you but just
for some time and then you became a simple boy for me like others. You asked me
many questions and you got me into many puzzles. With my every explanation you
had a question as a reply. Do you remember how long that text fight went on? It
was 2.5 months of our life that we gave to our love friendship issues and still
we never came up with any solutions. We texted, we fought, we abused , we laughed
and we again went through the same arguments.
The last thing we had in our conversation was my confession “YES,
I LOVE YOU.” The moment my fingers typed
these words something inside me was feeling blessed, happy but my mind was
still not accepting because I didn’t say that by my own, it was you who wanted
to listen something like this. I thought that may be after this we will be back
to normal again. I was happy, I was sad, I was blessed, I was cursed, I was in
pain, I was in heaven. Every emotion just crossed every veins of my body with a
new feeling of ‘the unknown relation.’ The moment I said I love you ,I asked
you the same question. Remember what you reciprocated? I still remember your words, “ I don’t think
so I should answer you that. You meant something to me but .. anyways I got my
answer and now I would take a leave. We are done.” You left and this time with
some unanswered questions. I don’t know what but something was broken inside me
and I was not able to deal with my own feelings. I read the text and I was in
tears. I was broken, I was weeping. I was unaware of the reason that what hurt
me more. The love that I was still not accepting to myself but confessed to you
or because I lost my mandatory person. Time passed on and everyday I used to
woke up with two questions to myself. First, do I really love you? Second, why didn’t you answer me? Because I was not
that worthy to know the answer?
After one year I
spoke up everything that I was having inside me for so long time. The moment I
ended up my one sided conversation with my imaginary you sitting beside me, you
disappeared all again. For a while I looked around but I found no one except
the cool breeze playing with my untied hair. I smiled and thanked you again that
although you disappeared again but this time you gave me a sign of relief as I
talked to my man after so long time.
To be continued.
💓💓💓💓
ReplyDeleteThankyou Aaron Stone
Delete