Father's Day special, by his child

Father's Special

Dear Daddy,

I know you always believed in me and hence among your children you chose me to fulfill your dreams. I wish I could tell you that what I wanted in my life. But I was never given a single second to think that what I actually wanted to be. 

I always desired to make you happy and proud and in that race I forgot what I wanted to be happy? What was my goal in my life? What i wanted from my life? I just knew I wanted to make you feel like special as you saw the dream surviving within me that you lost at your time. But why was I never been asked that what is the meaning of life for me? How I have looked toward life? What is the definition of life when it comes to see from prospective? I was never given that hairline space even to let me look into life to find what it says to me.  When I started to learn about life, when I started to talk to life, when i started spending time with my life from that day my life started to question me, 'do  you really want to do what he said?' And every time I used to ignore its question and enjoyed my time with my life. But somewhere I knew I have to answer that question and too very soon because I have already invested my 18 years into the direction where there is nothing for  me. I know i have done a lot into some wrong direction just to fulfill dear daddy's dream and always failed giving him one more hope to achieve his goal (my failure was always something that never let him loose the hope instead gave him even more positivity to make it happen one day and that killed my soul even more). It was always so hurting that I was not able to give him what he wanted neither I was doing what my life was screaming to me. How could i just ignore everything and always wanted to escape the situations that were making me feel guilty and even more wounded soul? No one was able to think my situation and that time I needed someone to hold me, to love me and to tell me that i am not a waste, I am someone who is important to be alive. I was broken and every piece of me was craving to survive but I was having no power to built my empire that shattered inside me. But i knew I wanted to live again and fro there i started a new life again. I left wanted to leave the home where his dreams were living with every time of new hope so i decided to quit my daddy's home. Everyone must be thinking that how strong I was but trust me my heart was always screaming to go back and hug him saying, 'for once let me do what I want.' I knew I was having no place in your heart as i hurt you like no one ever did. I wish I could say sorry, but I was not wrong and so I decided to leave leaving a note.

The note said everything that I could not say in last 20 years and now it was being a burden to me therefore I needed my own space. I wrote every emotion including those that had no words to express. Dear daddy, I love you but i need to go. Now I want to live in the house of my dream. I want to fly for once and I want to smile for once. Will you let me go? Dear daddy, I may not come back to you till the day I find my inner peace and till the day I do not achieve what I desire, what my soul and my life wanted since so long. Will you let me come back that day?  You have made what I am today, I have learnt how to be strong and to face every situation with a big smile from you. You have always been my life mentor and no one will be that in my life no matter who comes and who goes I'm my life. Even my lover will not be the one who you are to me, the love for you will not be shared by anyone who comes into my life. Will you still love me the day I may come back.

 Thankyou for making me this strong and always standing by my side. I am your ansh so I am just a copy of you, stubborn and free. Will you please not cry while reading this letter? Will you let me go away for a while? Will you be able to stop missing me so frequently that I will not get hiccups as mum says...

I am leaving my crown of being you princess and want to life a life of slay for a while. Will you keep my crown safe with you till the time I reach home back, till the time I will be crowned as queen one day. I will still look for my crown that I am leaving with you because I will always be your princess and I always want to be...

I am leaving the home of your dream just to built my house of dream and I want to shift into mine as soon as possible. Will you still keep open the door of our house open for me? Or will you come an live into my dream house that I will make by my own? I know you love you but I want to fly away from the protective cage of your love and to learn the depth of the sky. Will you get me free like a bird who wants to fly above the sky? Will you always wait for me to come back because I will come back one day. May be with a failure or with the trophy of being your champ. Please let me get into your heart for one more time. I love you dear daddy. And now the letter comes to the end and I want to say that keep my memories and the childish me alive into your heart. I am leaving you and everyone and from now onwards I will walk alone but I am leaving you with some of these questions that I may get the answers when I will be back. Till then keep me alive in you.  The day when I will come back will you open the door for me?

Ps:- dear daddy you are my hero and I love you...